I've given up

My life has taken a very sharp turn over the past couple of months. I have evolved from a women who worked full time as nurse while hectically trying to raise 6 children. A women who longed to be a wife that wasn't tired all the time, one who eagerly awaited a time I could spend with my husband without feeling guilty that twenty other things were being neglected during that "time". A guilt ridden women because I was spread so thin that I never got time for myself, yes I felt guilty that I wanted me "time". For quite a while I had been feeling a shift in my heart, a new desire that I was uncertain of. That desire enveloped me like a great white shark and left me perplexed for some time. I wanted to take my family and leave the only place I've ever known. Leave my home, my family, my friends, a wonderful job and most importantly my bubble. Was this a desire or some crazy whim that I have been known to concede to in the past. The only way for me to determine this was to pray. I won't go into my awful, shameful past that is filled with so many skeletons you could consider me a serial killer. But I will tell you that God has brought me to a place where prayer has become a vital necessity in my life. I used to be one of the most whimsical people you would ever meet, hence the skeletons that used to reside in my closet (LOL)! Was this desire, this longing to be somewhere else what God intended for not only myself but my family and so I began to pray to my Heavenly Father. Now, when I pray I have learned to expect that God will answer me. I never know the amount of time he will take in answering my questions but I can rest assure that he will answer me when the time is right, when my heart is right and when my eyes are focused directly on him. Over what was a very short period not only did my desire grow but it accumulated a more direct aim than when it first began. God not only wanted my family and I to leave our hometown, he also wanted me to leave my very good job and stay home with my two year old daughter. I was being asked to step down from the pedestal that I had placed myself on, ya know the one where you are plagued with the ludicrous idea that your family will not survive unless you take charge of everything. You have to do everything or it won't be "right". Jesus said in Romans 12:2 " Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind". I had allowed myself to become so independent (like women these days are told to be) that I had lost sight of how important it was for me to be the women God had intended for me to be. I am not saying it is not okay for a women to be self sufficient and support her family nor that it isn't okay for her to work outside the home. But I you allowed the world( friends, family, co-workers, TV, teachers, employers) to be my influences and tried to live my life like everyone else thought I should. It was always very important to me what other peoples opinions were. I asked for their advice, I welcomed their solution to my dilemmas. I had slowly built myself a pedestal that's foundation was cracked with spiritual discord and that is never good for a family. My husband enjoyed his role as Super Dad but he too was feeling a new desire, a pull somewhere else and a longing to join the workforce once again. We prayed together and waited for God's answers, at times with the inpatients of a child the night before Christmas. Impatient, why? you may ask. I get very excited when I know that God has something in store for me, he has blessed me over the years with so much more than I could have ever dreamed of. When God reveals that he has a huge change in store for my life may it be a new child, a new home or a new "job" I have my moments of stress but I know that if I trust him with all of my heart and remain obedient that I will be blessed. To be continued....................